Throughout most of my life, I have aspired for excellence. However the warped execution of this valiant goal has manifested itself as self-propulsion toward perfection, an impossible state.
No matter how much effort and aggressive will power I forced upon the world, I could never achieve the perfection for which I yearned. Dejected and ashamed, I pounced on myself and often turned to self-demeaning as a method to cover my inadequacies.
In that trap, I spent most my time. Bouncing back and forth in an endless cycle of pride and shame; one minute believing I am about to reach perfection and the next believing I am quite possibly the worst. What a miserable way to live?
Then came the concepts that freed me from my painful prison with self-worship on one side and self-loathing on the other. Two simple ideas were the keys I needed to break the cycle and be free: 1) a God I was willing to trust, and 2) a desire to be average.
The first step in my freedom is that I had to accept that perfection is only for God. The closest I can get to perfection is to trust in a perfect God rather than imperfect humans such as myself. Once I could lay my worries into His Hands, I no longer needed to be perfect. He would cover the gaps on my weaknesses and do for me what I could not.
The second piece was that I had to shift my focus from perfection to average. I didn’t have to judge myself as superior or substandard, instead I could just aim for average. That doesn’t mean that I do not work hard nor does it mean that I give up on excellence. This mindset simply means that I understand that every person has different strengths and weaknesses and that taken as a whole, humans mostly average out.
Today, I revel in the knowledge that I am perfectly imperfect, exactly as my God intended me to be. The more I stumble, the more opportunities I have to reach out to Him to hold me up.