Two weeks ago I made the difficult decision to give up coffee with hopes to eventually wean off caffeine altogether. Initially, I chose to drink green tea as a first level of reduction. The reasons were many, but most of all I was tired of being so dependent on a chemical to function.
As one might expect, the first week was rough.
Fortunately, migraines were few but exhaustion was rampant. One day last week, I had to contact my boss and ask for the morning off to recuperate. I awoke at about 1:30 pm that afternoon and asked for the rest of the day. It’s as if my body was finally able to get the sleep I had been depriving it by forcing myself to stay awake longer and work more on the crutches of coffee.
As my body continues to detox, I have noticed a couple of things. First of all, I’m not tired throughout the day. My eyelids are getting lighter with each passing day. My body seems happy to rely on rest and sleep as a means to recharge as needed. I am no longer forcing myself to function against my designed purposes. Also, my overall mood seems to have improved, as if my baseline serotonin levels have increased. I feel lighter in my spirit.
Overall, my experience with quitting coffee is analogous to my slow, painful release of self-will.
When I began the process of turning my will and life over to God’s care and protection, I did not know how to respond to this “loss of control”. I became fearful and agitated. My restlessness was overwhelming. How would I make it through the day without planning actions, manipulating others, and propelling myself onto the world around me. I have a brain to use, and I had been over-using it. I had abundant physical and emotional symptoms as my system struggled to relinquish command.
Then came the calm.
The more of myself I gave to God, the better I felt. Today, I did not burn my energy trying to violently tear satisfaction out of this life by force. Instead, I gave myself to God asking Him to direct my thoughts and actions to serve His Purpose. The less control I am pretending to have, the more free I am becoming. I feel lighter in my spirit.
Like a cup of warm serenity, I can relax today and sip God’s Love as He directs my day.