In my life, I have struggled with anger. In particular, bursts of hateful rage would come flowing forth at my lovely family. I tried so hard for years to “manage” my anger with little to no success. How could I possibly control something that can from so deep within me?! Most of that rage was fueled by intense shame and a fiery resentment at myself for not being a perfect husband/father.
As my relationship with God and myself has improved, He has healed a great deal of those underlying negative emotions for me and given me an unimaginable sense of peace and tolerance toward myself. The fire has died down without toxic fuel to feed it. Furthermore, God has shown me how not to regret the past. Although the memories of my rage episodes (aka temper tantrums) sadden me, I feel that God has used those times to create a deeper relationship between me and my family. Each amends has brought us closer together. Through my vulnerability and willingness to admit my wrongs, the love in our family has grown in ways it may otherwise not have. Compared to now, my past relationships with my loved ones seemed relatively more mechanical and demanding rather than loving and accepting. I am grateful for God’s love I receive and can now accept which I in turn can share with others.